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Navigating the Unspoken Anxiety of Grief

Writer's picture: Taneka McCoy, MSRC, LCMHCTaneka McCoy, MSRC, LCMHC

Updated: Nov 5, 2024


Anxiety is a silent companion in the journey of grief, especially after the tragic loss of a child. It lingers, often unnoticed, casting a long shadow over moments of joy and connection. Though I have worked through much of my grief, an undercurrent of anxiety remains, and it often manifests in my relationship with my living son. 


The first time I truly noticed this was after the birth of my grandson. I found myself consumed by a relentless fear: what if something happened to him? I would watch him sleep, holding my breath, terrified to put him down. Each moment felt draped in dread. Then came Dareon’s 25th birthday—a milestone that should have been filled with joy, yet I held my breath, fearing that fate would rip the rug from under me once more, just as it had when Earl passed two months before his 25th birthday. 


Most recently, I experienced a chilling episode that made my anxiety painfully clear. I woke in the middle of the night, a familiar ritual to check the Life360 app for Dareon’s location. The sight of his dead phone and the last tracked location—an hour old, in the middle of the road—sent me spiraling. Panic was creeping in, and I found myself repeatedly checking my phone, desperate for reassurance. 


Before I could drag anyone else into my anxious spiral, I paused. I said a prayer, hoping for calm, and shortly after, Dareon responded to my frantic texts. In that moment, clarity struck. I was making my anxiety his burden to carry. This realization prompted a heartfelt conversation with my son. I expressed my feelings and asked for his patience as I navigated this journey of learning not to project my emotional baggage onto him.


Understanding and sharing these feelings has become a vital part of my healing process. It’s essential to acknowledge the unspoken anxieties that accompany grief. By opening up, I not only lighten my own load but also strengthen the bond with my son, allowing space for both of us to heal. Grief is a complex tapestry of emotions, and acknowledging anxiety as a part of that tapestry is a crucial step toward finding peace.


"Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths." by: C.H. Spurgeon

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