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This season, I have been loving myself out loud, giving myself the biggest apology for all that I endured due to my unresolved trauma. Growing up in an abusive home, I learned coping strategies for survival. However, the unfortunate reality is that once you are safe and away from the abuse, those strategies don't magically disappear. I became a people pleaser, often denying my own needs and wants, creating a cycle of neglect that bred anger and resentment within me.
In this season of isolation, I’ve finally realized how much I compromised in past relationships. It became clear that I contributed to my own pain and suffering due to my unhealed trauma. For example, I accepted behaviors rooted in fear of abandonment or the removal of love. I internalized messages that hurt my self-esteem. "You’re too dark-skinned." This led me to hate my complexion. "You’re too loud." I began to silence my voice, even when I had so much to say. "You are damaged goods." With two children, I settled for less than I deserved. "You aren’t smart enough." I pushed myself to become an overachiever, yet I still didn’t feel good enough. "You’re overweight." "You’re too much." The list goes on.
But what I now know is liberating: I am enough! I always have been enough! I will always be too much for the wrong person. I can’t expect anyone to love me if I don’t love me first. This realization marks the beginning of my self-love journey, a deeply personal endeavor that requires both courage and vulnerability.
As I continue to peel back the layers of my past, I embrace the notion that self-love is not selfish; it’s essential. It’s about recognizing my worth and choosing to honor my needs and desires. This journey is mine to navigate, and I am committed to nurturing the love I have for myself. Here’s to embracing every part of who I am and celebrating the resilience that has brought me to this point.
Keep Going!
Life is a series of stages, each with its own challenges and triumphs. Remember, just because you're in a tough phase doesn't mean it has to become your permanent state.
Embrace the journey and keep pushing forward! Every step is a step towards growth and resilience.
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